It is a general opinion among the people who do their research in gender and language/discourse that women tell about their problems because they just want to tell them and not because they want to find solutions to them. I must say that although gender studies is not exactly my favourite subject, I agree with this. Men, on the other hand, are keen on suggesting answers to women's worries and it is said to be one of the reasons of miscommunication between the two sexes. I think that this way of acting is not exclusive to men. (And why should it be?) I know quite a few of examples from the female specimen who tend to do the same... And it's only natural.
I have been sad lately. I'm not exactly sure if 'sad' is the correct term. Confused, disturbed, mental, hysteric or edging towards a mental breakdown might be closer to my actual state of mind but 'sad' sounds much clearer and easier to grasp. So yes, I've been sad. I have cried my share of tears but they do not seem to help. In the last desperate attempt I reached out to the person who, in theory, should be the closest person in my life... and all I got was 'Well, it's not that bad really, is it? Think more positively!' and a bunch of solutions. In other words, not what I needed. There are no solutions, at least not outside my own little head and it seems that the little elf responsible for the maintenance work up there has left and all the emotions and fears just keep accumulating. I wish that it was this one simple and concrete problem that occupies my poor brain because then there could be a simple answer and concrete solution. Alas, it is not so.
The only solution is just to work through these emotions, file them and put them back into the labeled drawers where they belong to and restore my peace of mind. It just might take a while.
So until then, I am very sorry, but I will be a little bit sad. Life might not seem to be a flower to me but more like a thistle. And I do know that we all have problems and I do understand that mine are no more important than anyone else's but they are... mine. And I really cannot not be sad right now. I don't always have the energy to talk about mundane things and pretend to be okay. Just don't force me into your regime of happiness and don't punish me for being sad. It's hard enough, you know.
(By the way, nothing serious has happened. I just really have a thousand and one tiny (insignificant) things that bother me at the moment and my current state of mind is the sum of these.)
I have been sad lately. I'm not exactly sure if 'sad' is the correct term. Confused, disturbed, mental, hysteric or edging towards a mental breakdown might be closer to my actual state of mind but 'sad' sounds much clearer and easier to grasp. So yes, I've been sad. I have cried my share of tears but they do not seem to help. In the last desperate attempt I reached out to the person who, in theory, should be the closest person in my life... and all I got was 'Well, it's not that bad really, is it? Think more positively!' and a bunch of solutions. In other words, not what I needed. There are no solutions, at least not outside my own little head and it seems that the little elf responsible for the maintenance work up there has left and all the emotions and fears just keep accumulating. I wish that it was this one simple and concrete problem that occupies my poor brain because then there could be a simple answer and concrete solution. Alas, it is not so.
The only solution is just to work through these emotions, file them and put them back into the labeled drawers where they belong to and restore my peace of mind. It just might take a while.
So until then, I am very sorry, but I will be a little bit sad. Life might not seem to be a flower to me but more like a thistle. And I do know that we all have problems and I do understand that mine are no more important than anyone else's but they are... mine. And I really cannot not be sad right now. I don't always have the energy to talk about mundane things and pretend to be okay. Just don't force me into your regime of happiness and don't punish me for being sad. It's hard enough, you know.
(By the way, nothing serious has happened. I just really have a thousand and one tiny (insignificant) things that bother me at the moment and my current state of mind is the sum of these.)
2 comments:
Kui oled teadmatuses, mis Sind õnnetuks teeb - võib seda põhjustada pisikesed asjad kokku. Võib seda põhjustada juba kauaolnud mõte/mõtted, juhtumised, soovid, tahted, ebaõnnestumised- ehk siis you name it. Seda võib taga otsida, seda põhjust, kuid alati ei leia õiget kätte enne kui saab lahti pealmistest kihtidest, mis aitavad tuumani jõuda. Vahel on see tuum miski, mis on mõistuses ja südames istunud juba alates siis kui sündisid ning alles nüüd tunned, et ikka ei lähe nii nagu peaks - midagi on puudu. Lühidalt öeldes see võib olla kõik ja mitte miski, kuid kindla peale võib see olla stress. See ei pea olema õpistress, see ei pea olema see stress, millest oleme harjunud kuulma. Kuna stresse on me kehas palju ka ilma töötamata ja vaeva nägemata, see tähendab siinkohal ei mõtle ma väsimust. Stresside mõiste on laiem. Näitena soovin teistele meeldida ning üritan seda igapäeva elus läbi erinevate kanalite saavutada, teadlikult ja teadvustamata. Kuni päeva lõpuni ei taipa ma, et stress on soov meeldida - see stressiallikas süveneb ja kasvab iga korraga kui ma seda tahan, saavutada üritan ükskõik kui positiivselt või negatiivselt. Täiesti suvaline näide, et võib-olla mõista stresside erinevusi meie kehades. :) Sinu mured on Sinule olulised ja nii peab see alati olema, neid ei pea teistega võrdlema ega isegi selgitama, et meil kõigil on mured. Nii ta on ja nii ta jääb ja Sinul on igasugune õigus end nii väljendada kui ka omamoodi vastuseid otsida. Kui mina seda lugedes või Sinu emotsioone nähes haiget peaksin saama - siis on see 100% minu enda probleem ning usu seda :). Aga võib-olla on Sinus mitu stressi või mõni suurem ripakile jäetud stressiallikas, mis kuidagi pinnale soovib tulla. Mõni igatsus, soov, valu, tahe. Kui sa selle üles leiad, kui leiad ka mitu, siis lihtsalt anna sellele andeks ja lase minna :). Ma võtan suure hüppe, kui seda juttu siia kirjutan, juba sellepärast, et Sa võid lugeda - mind samamoodi hulluks pidada, mu peale solvuda või öelda "Ei nii see pole". Kõik on õige, Sinu reaktsioon võib olla milline tahes aga minu sõnad on siirad.
Kurbus möödub ja vahel ta asendub rõõmuga. Tal tuleb sabast kinni saada ja siis kohelda nagu sõpra, sest ta võib tekitada küll halbu emotsioone aga tema olemine sinu kehas ei pea olema halb. :)
Kõige pealt, aitäh, et kirjutasin selle pika ilusa kommentaari :) Ma arvan, et mul ongi praegu pigem mitu erinevat asja, mis sees närivad.
Kõige täpsemalt võikski seda iseloomustada, miski mida sa ise kirjutasid mulle: "Mõni igatsus, soov, valu, tahe." Või kõik need koos :)
Aga varsti läheb paremaks, ma tean seda. Lihtsalt seda ei saa sundida peale, pean ise selleni jõudma :)
Aga aitäh ja kalli sulle! x
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