Semper eadem.

Once again it has been a while since I've written down anything. So much and yet so little has happened.

The end of my first year in university is almost here and the fact that I have been lazy through out the seminar has left its mark on my progress. But I am actually doing best not to stress about it all and take it with calm and reason, this saves so much more energy. And the fact that I signed up to make a fool out of myself on May 31 in public does not exactly contribute to my school work. I mean, nothing serious is happening. I have all the nessecary thing done and I'm not desperate in any of the subject, yet there are some that I'm not so sure about. Like English literature. This one requires a lot of reading and I really hope I can manage with it all. But then again, I'm taking the exam on June 9th, so there's no point in panicking at the moment. And I'm not worried about my essay for the Writing Course, because I know my subject and I have my sources, I just now have to read an dput it all together. Oh, and by the way, I'm writing about Elizabeth I. A person from English history who has made me love her era. And when my mother asked me watching the Millionaire show who had been on the throne before Elizabeth, I immediately answerd: "Mary I. Bloody Mary". And then looking at the question ("Which of those Europan countries had only female monarchs in the 20th century?") I looked at her with a dumb face and asking why would she as me about Elizabeth who lived in the 16th century. My mother kindly reminded me that England has Elizabeth sitting on the throne at the moment as well. And of course her predecessor had been George VI.

Anyway, I'm concentraiting on the symbology of Elizabeth I and their presence in her portraits. Seems interesting. At least for me.

But translation is not probabaly not my thing. At least not now, when I haven't had any courses on translation theory. I spent the last week desperately translating Capote, Austen and Wilde, all together 150 pages. Oh, the sleepless nights when I finally started to read everything in English the way that I transleted it into Estonian. And when I thought, what the hell am I doing, I realised, this is too much. But I got a lovely passage from Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray and although I probably invented some of the words, the lecturer seemed to be satisfied.. One down, a lot more to go.

L. & J. are coming back to Estonia. Sometimes I wonder if we ever have the same kind of relation ship again that we had in secondary school. And I'm afraid that the answer is no. It's not me or them or anyone. In fact, it's everyone. Each and every one of us has grown in our own direction a bit. The fact that we are not spending every day together, but counted hours once in two month does change the relationship. I know that I'm not the same person. Sure, our jokes are still funny and all my girls are very-very special to me. I was just looking at some photos tonight. Of my birthday. Of St. John's Day. Graduation. I love you to death. I hope that if you are reading this, you understand where I'm coming from. Maybe you have felt the same.

But one thing is sure, when our Aussies arrive, we'll have a proper party, you hear me, sweethearts!?

Well, I guess that's all for now. If I survive the next two weeks, you might hear more of me :)

There's an answer in the sound of a train...

I thought I'd be a good girl and to some more entries this week. Not that I have anything big to say but I just want to..


First of all, as the people who actually read this blog belong to my confined social circle, then I once again toss in some recommendations. I mean these little notices by me do not chance the world for the better place. Most probably they are nothing new to a lot of people in this world but I like to share my experiences...

• My discovery, or actually a band that I was helped to discover, is Incubus. Incubus is an American alternative rock band, whose first album was released already in 1995. The leader of the band, the lyricsist and singer, Brandon Boyd. A true genius with words and I've only started to discover the music. But Incubus takes time to get to you and needs dedication to its music. A great video and song by them, which I very much enjoy is Anna Molly. The link to youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p93XOlLoFws


• Again this is a song and an artist that I was intoduced to: Marié Digby. Not exactly my cup of tea but I really like the lyrics of one perticular song I find really beautiful. And this is why I decided to share this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrFi7ydokgI


• Pasta. This is something I eat weekly: pasta with tuna, chicken, just cheese... Really easy to make. Take some macaronis or spaghetti, when this is ready, pour some milk or coffee cream (milk has less fat in it) and put some salt, spices and then cheese. I recommend Merevaik or something like that. Use your wildest imagnenation, put some chicken, tuna, why not vegetables in it. Tastes like heaven! Muaahh..

Another week has passed by so quickly. Where's the rush with time? I don't know... Had a great time last night with two extremely intelligant people who are at the same time hilariously sarcastic. A dear friend of mine said that if she wrote a book, then she's name it Midnight Margaritas. Yet I think that midnight tortillas are just as great! After having escaped from a strange birthday party, I was tricked to go to my friend's place by promising tortillas and cheap Bulgarian wine. Who could have said no? And also a girl from my basic school years who is in Estonia for few days was with us as well and I just can't say no to the opportunity to exchange a few words with her. So we spent the evening discussing topics from the Bible to Playboy. The main discussion was done by my old class mate and her flat mate but it was thoughroughly enjoyable!

I'm going to have a busy month and a half ahead of me.. let's hope I'm ready for it. And at the top of everything, there is a really slight chance that a certain band will give a concert in Helsinki... and that I would not want to miss. But in the mean time, I must have Lenin's words echoing in my head: "Study! Study" Study!". Talking about Lenin and Russian, than I managed to surprise my sweet little course mate Anja with some knowledge from Russian grammar! So much fun...

A fun fact, have you ever thought about that swear words have their own grammar rules? Like you cannot tell someone "You damn" but you always say "Damn you". Or that you can use both "you" and "off" with the word "fuck" but you cannot use "you" with the word "piss". Strange, isn't it?

While I might not yet be a rock star....

.... I'm definitely gonna rock the theatre stage on May 31st!!!!!

Come over to the dark side. We have cookies.

I'm tried using Ave's little secret recipe to keep up with my blog but it was no help for me... I'm a hopeless case and my appologies for that!

Spring is here with al it's pleasure and pain. The shing sun and warm days let me believe that I can leave my winter coat at home and dress up more spring-like. Incredible that even after 19 years of experience I still fall for it and the result is here - the nastiest cold I've experienced in years!! Congradulations, smartass!

Alongside with the usual stuff, there are also some great things that have happened in between. The first of them was Good Charlotte's concert.

Eventhough I felt ancient there among all these 14-year-olds. Children these days are weird. When I was 14, I liked Westlife and Vonda Shepard. I didn't dye my hair black and paint my eyes black at that time. Okay, my hair stays red at the moment as well, eventhough my eye make-up is a bit darker in occasions.
Bedwetters were... interesting is the correct term I believe. I'm just glad I didn't get my ass kicked by their fans because of my big mouth and what comes out of there. I think I made some silly remarks... but at least me, Asti and Elerin had fun!

The rea thing was awesome!! I've told it before, but I've never been a fan of Good Charlotte but boy do those guys know how to rock on the stage!! I mean they made no discount and gave 100% of them. My highlights of the concert:

• The River - Love the song, it's a shame that they played it as their first song but it got the crowd (me included) jumping from the first note
• So Lonely (The Police cover) - a girl beside me watched me like a loony because I screamed to sing along this song at the top of my voice. I mean GC doing The Police cover? WOW!
• Benji's acoustic set - I love acoustic music and he sang so beautifully
• Joel talking to the crowd that they do not answer to journalists asking about their private life. The only people they answer to is us (their fans) and I like that idea.

And no, I didn not nor did I want to see Paris Hilton at the concert!

In Tallinn, I met with another great person, Helen. She's another Marsian like myself, so I hope to get to know her more.

My ineritance from Tallinn was the worst cold in years. I swear I haven't sneazed and blown my nose that much for years! And when you can't sleep and breathe, it kinda pisses you off. And I was this close to posting a very dark and bitter piece of writing here... but even dark clouds go away and the knowing the sun always shines, sometime she's just behind the clouds, gave me strenght not to do that...

So instead, I'm just posting quite an empty thingie and once again promise to be more consistent...

Waiting for the summer...

I admire Ave and her ability to keep up with her blog so regularly! I mean look at me...

So what has been going on? School, crazy plans and fun parties if to sum it all up. Let's start with parties, shall we?

Film and pool night. On Good Friday, my Kätlin had organised us a place to bake a cake and watch a movie. So the plan was to meet up in Rimi at 7 pm. We didn't find our ingredients over there so we headed to the next supermarket. Well, we finally made it to Jon's place and me and Kätlin started cooking while the guys were constantly stealing all the ingredients. We had the recipe as well but most of our cake was improvisation. But when we served it with ice cream and peaches, it tasted like heaven! Then we watched Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights and after that the question "What now?" aroused. It was round midnight and we decided to go to play pool at a fraternity house basement. I was like: "Goddammit!! Not again!" but this time they actually took the time to explain the basics instead of just telling: "Hit that, a bit left, point it like that" (which last time ended up leaving me in total confusion and I just hit the balls because I had no idea what they were telling me). This time I could even play on my own! Lost all the games naturally but boy can I make some great hits. I mean the ball is on the edge of the hole. I hit the ball, it moves and it won't go in! I mean one more millimeter and it would definitely have been in but no... and sometimes they all looked at me after the hits and asked: "How on Earth did you manage to do it like that!?" It's a gift... just face it! I made it home round 3 am again that night.

Purim. Purim is a Jewish holiday that my friend and course mate Anna asked us to come and celebrate at her place on Saturday, March 22. The tradition tells that this is the day when you have to eat a lot, drink a lot and make a lot of noise. In other words: have hell of a lot fun. And that we did! It was a costume party, so I decided to dress up as a gypsy. It was so much fun doing the dark and over exaggerated eye make up like I used back when I was still performing with belly dance! And my pretty thingy around my hips I felt like I should do the belly dance. Which I did! They managed to find Shakira's "Hips Don't Lie" and forced me to dance... Like I needed some forcing after a mojito and some wine!
Talking about belly dancing then I don't know if I have told you this but I'm back in dancing lessons and absolutely loving them! This is my thing! And even thought some of the choreographies are such killers, I love it! I just stump my feet and make some weird moves again when were dancing "El Salam"!

Anyway, back to Purim party. I met some great people there and I guess I was the one dancing around all the time. I loved it, I mean I had no problems talking to people I hadn't met before. And those I actually had met... Again my bad waited for me round 3 am! (who needs sleep any way!)

Helen's birthday. Saturday, March 29. This day was doomed from the beginning. Round 2 pm I had already managed to drink 1/3 of the champagne bottle. I went to see Kata's new flat (which is adorable!!) and as usually she made me eat so much and offered wine and champagne. I rushed home and quickly changed clothes when I already had to be at Anna's to practise our wonderful performance of Boogie Nights for Helen. I was already quite in a mood, so there was no problem for me!

We made it to Helen's dorm (the notorious Narva rd 89) round half past 8 and me and Kätlin started drinking our wines. There was so much food again, I mean I ate like a pig. And drank like one as well! I mean more than 1 bottle of wine per person!! No wonder I was quite drunk by midnight when we were going to Illegard. And I needed to pee so badly! I mean I didn't risk at going to the toilet in the dorm, this place is freaky even when you're pissed.

So we had lots of fun on our way and even more fun when we were coming from the pub. I mean I was like a fucking Duracell bunny: jumping and dancing around, going crazy in the snow and Kätlin kept telling me: "Eeva!!! NOOO!!"

The morning wasn't my favourite... damn that wine!

Now to my crazy plan. You have all probably heard about it but still, here it is: Israel. I'm going there, I have to go there. My plan includes finding a job for the summer (the tricky part) and then getting enough money and I'm fucking going to Israel!!

Why there, you ask? Answer is simple: I was asked. My dear friend Shani told me "You are SO coming to Israel" and I thought, why not! This girl is fabulous! And from what I've heard from Anna, Israel is miraculous as well! I mean you can go to Paris or London anytime. I've already proven that with my London trip. (which by the way I miss so much, I'm again suffering from PCD = post-concert depression; watching the videos and listening to the songs makes me wanna go again!!).

But I have a goal, a dream once again and I'm going to go for it!!

The university demands a lot of work at the moment, all those paper I have to write... but I'll manage. I know I will! I have to!

And now I thought I'd toss in some recommendations. Just for the fun...

• Darren Aronofsky's Requiem for a Dream. One of the movies that managed to touch me really badly. I mean this movies is a wonderful piece of art, in my opinion it should be among the classics. I mean I was very close to throwing up at the end of the movie. I, who can watch everything on TV without blinking my eye, I had to turn my head away... The film is about down fall. The unglamorous life of an addict. This leaves no hope for better future for the characters. This should be shown in schools for children, let's see if drugs seems so appealing after that as well... This is the instrumental song from the film (beautiful): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2Ma4BvMUwU


• Kar Wai Wong's My Blueberry Nights. Now this is an entirely different movie. A love story, sweet and predictable, yet it's better than the usual Hollywood stuff. Great camera work. And of course if you happen to be female, you're attraction to the film is this: Jude Law!! The trailer of the film: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86kckraMXtI


• Eva Cassidy "Bridge Over Troubled Water". The song was first sang by Paul Simon & Art Garlfunker but I fell in love with her version. I listen to this song multiple times a day. It's so simple and beautiful and has pretty lyrics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4C9mH6_47Q

I guess that's it for today. Going to see Good Charlotte on Wednesday, can't wait for it. I long for a good rock out and this is what I'm planing to do! I just have to think what I'll wear for it. Would it be totally inappropriate to wear my 30 shirt?

Two...

It's a little something I got from Ave's blog. She said that for someone who is bored and I am bored...

2 things you're wearing at the moment:
* my black home pants
*pink sweater

2 favourite activities
*reading
*listening to music

2 things I terribly yearn for
*a certain concert
*a cup of good cocoa, I mean not the sweet one with chocolate taste, but the real thing, bitter taste and all

2 things I did last night
*sat in a café with friends
*conspect on teaching methologies

2 things I ate today
*rice with vegetables
*a very green apple

2 persons I talked to last
*Liisa
*my mom

2 things I'm doing tomorrow
*go to the writing seminar
*go to my French lesson

2 longest trips by car
*Türi-Tallinn-Koidula checkpoint-Türi (one day, years ago)
*(by bus) Viljandi-Warsaw-Prague-Lucerne-Taizé-Paris-Lübeck-Lund-Kappelskäri-Türi

2 favourite drinks
*original green tea with sinnamon sticks
*rhubarb root beer (best thing in the world!)

2 things I haven't said about myself in this blog
*I hate Türi
*I'm thinking of having black highlights and a henna tattoo for the summer

2 jobs I'd never do
*accounting (frigging numbers)
*be responsible for waking people up in the mornings

2 films I'd watch over and over again
*Love Actually (I've seen it for at least 10 times by now)
*Fight Club

2 places I could live
*Viljandi
*the UK (if I had a lot of money)

2 places I'd rather be at the moment
*the UK
*Spain

2 people who'd answer to this questionnaire
*I'm not that naive to think that people actually read my blog and re-post it
*what I said already

Time is out of joint.

It's been a while since I've posted anything in here. The London overview was an exception. But how have I been...

Well, I must admit that since I've been back from this crazy trip of mine, I felt a little empty afterwards. I had waited for it for 4 months and now I have nothing to wait for. The university seems such a drag and planet Earth doesn't seem half as much interesting as planet Mars. Don't get me wrong, it has nothing to do with the experience itself. I mean this trip was huge for me, it ment so much, I can't even pyt this into words but let's just say that I've gained a whole lot of self-confidence. I know I can hanlde things, I know I can make my thoughts and dreams a reality! It's so hard to say this without hurting anyone because this is something I really do not want to do. I love my friends, I love my family but these people are awesome as well! They are different and I love them for that. They know what this experience means, they can understand me in a different level. This whole thing was something for me, for my soul and now I know that I must pursue on that track.

What else fits in the period since I last wrote here? World Cup in Otepää. Pure fun! The jokes we had there, how we screamed our voices away and how I could spend time with my dear Ave and Krissu... this is also priceless. The week after that the actual exhaution kicked in. I was so tired that I even managed to oversleep. Official record for breakfast, doing hair, brushing teeth and getting dreassed - 12 minutes! Beat me if you can.

We also had the first Estonian promoday on February 16th which was cute an awkward. If I hadn't talked all the time, there would have been silence. But I met some great people and eventhough most of them were years younger than me, they were really interesting and fun. Later I crached my sister's place and had a really lovely evening with her and Kalli. I just can't help but to keep mentioning how I love that me and Liina get along so well!

Of course, my course on Hamlet fits into this period of time as well and the first 8 lectures with my favourite English porfessor, Prof John McRae. And he managed to make me fall in love with the play that I hated so much in high school. In 11th grade I thought that only Johann Wolfgang Goethe's Faust is more hideous than Shakespeare but I've been proven so wrong. I know this might be hard to believe but Hamlet is a brilliant play and Shakespeare is undoubtfully one of the most talented playwrights, not only of the Elizabethean era but ever. And if anyone wants to see the play on screen, I would recommend L. Olivier's (1948), K. Branagh's (1996) or M. Almereyda's (2000) versions. The first one is a very classic and play-like adaption, Hamlet is very tragic and Ophelia is very fragile and tender. The second is a slightly modern version and I haven't seen the full, 4-hour film, but only the director's cut, but it's a very lively play and all the characters are so much alive and you can really feel for them. And the last one, starring Ethan Hawke, is my favourite among these. The director has brought Hamlet into today's world and to Mannhattan. It's a fabulous adaption and it is amazing how Shakespeare's text still works. And how his ideas are still so very accurate. If you have the chance to see it, I strongly advise!

I just found out that I got the scholaship, which is wonderful news. At least I'm "making" some money of my own and not living so much on my parents but still..

There are terrorist attacts again in Israel. You probably wonder why I would mention something like that in my blog but I guess you have already noticed that I've given up trying to give overviews of my weeks and days and tend to rant about things that worry my stupid heart and soul. But what I want to say with the terrorist attacks in Jerusalem is that how things that seemed so daily few years ago have changed. And the only reason is that I actually know people from Isreal and thinking about how they have to live in this nightmare. Luckily none of them lives near Jerusalem and are pretty safe but still... if your country is constantly in war, how safe can you be. "We are used to this, it has been like this since we were born," says Shani. People should never get used to war and killing. If you think about that than we live in such a blessed place. So what that the king Savisaar is corrupted and our government is a bunch of farts, we live in paradise, we live in such a safe place. Now evertime I hear about restlessness in Isreal I think about my dear friends over there and this is not just statistics, not just an item of news. This is the world, this is the present. Be safe my girls...

I promise to try and keep my blog up more regularly now but for now, this is all.