When I was 21, it was a very good year...

Or was it? I thought I needed to make a little summary post about my year 2009. I could be pointing out the good and the bad but then again, I don't really like categorising things. Instead I thought I'd write down for myself what I have learned this year:

• My year started off with not-so-great news from my doctor: after feeling really faint for a long time, I decided to see my GP and get some blood tests done. The results: anemia. I spent the next 4 months on medications. I knew from the start that I could only have myself to blame for that. I had been living on mainly rice and pasta and no meat for nearly 4 months, so it's no wonder my iron levels were non-existent. Since it was a pretty scary experience for me (after all, if you nearly faint after a 10 minute moderate walk, your life is really not so much fun), I have now learned to pay more attention to what I eat. Even when in Tartu, I try to eat a meat product at least once a week, also I try to vary my menu with fruit and vegetables. I'm not a big spender when it comes to shopping but I have learned is that I am ready to spend money on food. My health is important to me, and in the end, good food makes life worth living for.
• I learned that sometimes the best holiday is the one where you get nearly no rest at all. The end of January and the beginning of February saw one of the craziest weeks in my life in the nutty country they call The Republic of Ireland. During the week I was there, I got less than 20 hours of sleep all together, only one day when I didn't consume alcohol (I think). And yet, in a blink of an eye, I'd do it all again. It was one of the best trips I have ever been on. Although, after returning, I was a zombie for a few weeks, I was rested. My mind was fresh and sharp and all of my stress had left me as soon as I got on the plane to Ireland. So, sometimes I just need to let my hair down (and I mean, really let it down!) just to rest.
• Last semester I was mainly concentrating on my studies. I spent most of the time reading my books (and there were quite a few of them to be read) and doing homework instead of going out with my friends. Although it was quite rewarding in the academic sense, I was a wreck by the start of the summer. After cutting off my hair that had been slowly but steadily been falling out on its own initiative, I decided that my last undergrad year must not be like that. I must have it all - work hard, party hard has become my new guideline that I've been trying to follow through.
• I have understood finally that there are relationships and friendships that are not worth the heartache and distress that they cause. After seeing that some people whom I've considered to be my friends (and for that matter, were my friends - emphasis on the past tense) are no longer playing an important role in the life I lead today, I realised that people come and go in our lives. They leave a mark on our lives, an note in our memories but most of them are not here to stay for the rest of our lives. Probably, this is how one knows true friends from those temporary people: the former are those who will remain besides us. Friendships should not be the constant issue of distress; if they have become one, I have decided that it is time to let go of them.
• And finally, I learned about and developed "The Institution Theory". I think that there are maximum of 2 people besides me who know what this is about, but don't dismay, I might just explain all of this in 2010 or later. Until then, stay tuned!

All in all, it was a good year in many ways. There were, of course, bad moments and times when I was not in high spirits but I think I have enough to take with me to the new decade from 2009. There were probably more things I learned, and I'm sure there still numerous lessons I have to retake but in conclusion, it was the year I learned to let go...

Happy New Year!

With a penny to my name…

Today, I suddenly realised how quickly we forget about things that used to fascinate us. I was listening to Eva Cassidy’s song Penny To My Name and it has the following lines: “If I could see the sunset skies over fields of grain or ocean tide, city skyline in the night, I’d be dancing till the dawn”

It reminded me my when I was little. I grew up in a smallish town in the middle of Estonia. I didn’t go to the bigger towns very often, especially at night time. But few times a year we went to the theatre or a concert in Tallinn, so when we came back it was dark and you could see the city lights. I was really thrilled by them. Yes, we actually had street lights also in my home town but the billboards and the flashing lights were a rare sight for me. It looked so cool and fascinating.

Now I’m living in Tartu, the second biggest town in my country. We also have all those flashing lights but until now I have not noticed them. Somehow I have got used to all of it. I didn’t even remember ever liking it until I listened to those very lines tonight. Although I admit that we are living in the times of light pollution (I mean, when was the last time it was really pitch dark?), I still like looking out of the window when it is dark and glance at the lights.

All of this made me think about how many more of such small details am I missing out? I have grown used to things that used to fascinate me and thus they seem so mundane or even annoying. I have had the chance to observe and spend some few hours with my friends little daughter and this has made me see how interesting this world is to a child. Everything is brand new and exciting. I suppose it is inevitable that we lose much of that enthusiasm along the way as we grow more and more familiar with everything. Although, somewhere in the whole process we also seem to lose the ability to take joy in small things.

And then again, I think there are many more of those who cheer over the first snow every year like seeing it for the first time. Thus, all is not lost. I will try myself to be a bit better and take notice of things, try and remember why I loved them not so long ago…