Religion has always been one of the most personal issues of mine. I come from a non-religious background: my parents never go to church, nor have they been to conformation. I have probably attended roundabout 10 services in my life.
Yet, I don't consider myself as an atheist. It's a nasty word anyway, and hypocritical one as well: you so strongly deny the existence of any god, that it becomes a belief in itself.
I accidentally happened to go to a Baptist prayer house on Saturday to a sort of meeting. My sister told me that her friend is singing with her siblings and asked L. to come and listen. In a chain reaction, my sister grabbed me to come with her. It was a very new experience for me. I have never been to a Free Church meeting, and not surprisingly it was very different from anything I have witnessed so far. We were complete strangers there, sister and I, but after the meeting (I'm not actually sure what is the correct term to be used, so I am sticking to this one) everyone came and shake hands with us, saying "God bless you". Although, when we were asked which congregation we belong to, I felt strangely embarrassed.
I think that religion is a very complicated issue in Estonia. My parents' generation was raised in 'scientific atheism'. During the Soviet times, going to church was punishable. All religions were persecuted by the state. And yet, I hear stories how the churches were packed with people on Christmas Eve. Not many actually dared to have their children christened, it is the same with my parents. 50 years is a long time, and it is long enough to kill the religious thinking of a nation.
So today, our congregations are small and the Sunday services are usually read to only a handful of people. When asked about religion, I'm sure that there are many more like me who struggle to give an answer. My Scottish lecturer, bless him, keeps telling us whenever we speak about religion, "You're all Lutherans, remember?" And after being to that Baptist meeting, I must confess: yes, I am a Lutheran! I think it is about my upbringing and the values. It is after all a Christian, or even more specifically, protestant cultural space that I am living in, so it is a part of my essence. Probably this is why I enjoy the sermons of the Lutheran minister in Türi more than I did those on Saturday.
I have been fascinated by churches and religions for quite a while now. I took religion study class already in secondary school and I was so lucky to have such an amazing teacher. I have even spent half a week in Taizé monastery in France and I absolutely loved it there. Whenever I travel, I always end up going into churches: I remember years ago when my and my mum were walking around Vilnius and ended up visiting probably every church that was opened in the old town. And about a year ago, when I was in Ireland, I did the same: saw a church, took some pictures, tried if the door was opened, if so, then I quietly slipped in for a few minutes and enjoyed the silence. (Not to mention, that during the same trip, a rather drunken Irishman who had had a good Catholic upbringing made me do a cross when we went pass the church, haha).
I think my ultimate visit to the church must have been in Jerusalem when I visited the tomb of Christ. I remember an elderly lady, who I thought was trying to get pass me, suddenly grabbing me hand and leading me into the tomb. It was such an unexplainable moment for me.
I also felt the same thing when I was touching the Western Wall a few hours later. Thus, I am equally fascinated by different religions.
There is some mysticism about being a member of the church. My sister called this a hobby, which I was very much offended by. I mean, in a very loose sense of the word, she is probably right. It is a hobby, a social circle and even a life style. And yet, I don't any of these words is suitable to characterise the religious choices one makes.
I never know what to answer, if being asked about my religion. I don't even know whether I should say that I am religious. I'd like to think I am, probably belonging to the group of people characterised by 'believing without belonging'. I know I want to read the Bible one day, but this is more for professional purposes. I have thought about going to congregation but I'm not sure what my family would think of it. For the time being, I think I'll just keep visiting churches and go to traditional services on Christmas Eve. Who knows, maybe one day I will attend them on a more regular basis...
(The question I should be asking myself is: do I believe God? And the answer... well, why not! I might as well believe in the idea of a god.)
Yet, I don't consider myself as an atheist. It's a nasty word anyway, and hypocritical one as well: you so strongly deny the existence of any god, that it becomes a belief in itself.
I accidentally happened to go to a Baptist prayer house on Saturday to a sort of meeting. My sister told me that her friend is singing with her siblings and asked L. to come and listen. In a chain reaction, my sister grabbed me to come with her. It was a very new experience for me. I have never been to a Free Church meeting, and not surprisingly it was very different from anything I have witnessed so far. We were complete strangers there, sister and I, but after the meeting (I'm not actually sure what is the correct term to be used, so I am sticking to this one) everyone came and shake hands with us, saying "God bless you". Although, when we were asked which congregation we belong to, I felt strangely embarrassed.
I think that religion is a very complicated issue in Estonia. My parents' generation was raised in 'scientific atheism'. During the Soviet times, going to church was punishable. All religions were persecuted by the state. And yet, I hear stories how the churches were packed with people on Christmas Eve. Not many actually dared to have their children christened, it is the same with my parents. 50 years is a long time, and it is long enough to kill the religious thinking of a nation.
So today, our congregations are small and the Sunday services are usually read to only a handful of people. When asked about religion, I'm sure that there are many more like me who struggle to give an answer. My Scottish lecturer, bless him, keeps telling us whenever we speak about religion, "You're all Lutherans, remember?" And after being to that Baptist meeting, I must confess: yes, I am a Lutheran! I think it is about my upbringing and the values. It is after all a Christian, or even more specifically, protestant cultural space that I am living in, so it is a part of my essence. Probably this is why I enjoy the sermons of the Lutheran minister in Türi more than I did those on Saturday.
I have been fascinated by churches and religions for quite a while now. I took religion study class already in secondary school and I was so lucky to have such an amazing teacher. I have even spent half a week in Taizé monastery in France and I absolutely loved it there. Whenever I travel, I always end up going into churches: I remember years ago when my and my mum were walking around Vilnius and ended up visiting probably every church that was opened in the old town. And about a year ago, when I was in Ireland, I did the same: saw a church, took some pictures, tried if the door was opened, if so, then I quietly slipped in for a few minutes and enjoyed the silence. (Not to mention, that during the same trip, a rather drunken Irishman who had had a good Catholic upbringing made me do a cross when we went pass the church, haha).
I think my ultimate visit to the church must have been in Jerusalem when I visited the tomb of Christ. I remember an elderly lady, who I thought was trying to get pass me, suddenly grabbing me hand and leading me into the tomb. It was such an unexplainable moment for me.
I also felt the same thing when I was touching the Western Wall a few hours later. Thus, I am equally fascinated by different religions.
There is some mysticism about being a member of the church. My sister called this a hobby, which I was very much offended by. I mean, in a very loose sense of the word, she is probably right. It is a hobby, a social circle and even a life style. And yet, I don't any of these words is suitable to characterise the religious choices one makes.
I never know what to answer, if being asked about my religion. I don't even know whether I should say that I am religious. I'd like to think I am, probably belonging to the group of people characterised by 'believing without belonging'. I know I want to read the Bible one day, but this is more for professional purposes. I have thought about going to congregation but I'm not sure what my family would think of it. For the time being, I think I'll just keep visiting churches and go to traditional services on Christmas Eve. Who knows, maybe one day I will attend them on a more regular basis...
(The question I should be asking myself is: do I believe God? And the answer... well, why not! I might as well believe in the idea of a god.)
