Perfection.

Usually the simplest things bring you the greatest joy. Today I had a moment of perfection. I'm not good with words, but I will try an "paint" you the picture.

Imagine an averagely bad Estonian summer day. It's round 18 or 19 degrees and it has just stopped raining. The sun is peeking behind the clouds but the sky is full of dark clouds. You decide to go for a swim, regardless the cool weather.

You get on your bike, packed with towel and a sweater for coming back and race to the lake. Somewhere in the back of your mind there's a thought: I don't have to do this to myself, it's cold! But you are already by the lake.

You undress quickly because the more you think, the less you are willing to take off your clothes. And to the water you go. Surprisingly it is not cold at all because the water and air temperature is the same. You wade trough the clear water, fish swimming around your feel and quickly make sure that you navel is wet because it's the place in your body that fears the most of the water. You breathe in and dive underwater.

You feel freshness from the first second and when you stick your head on the surface again, you start swimming. You go slowly through the clean water, there's no one else around you here, only the two guys about 20 metres away. You feel how the water is clearing your mind from all the negative things and you only enjoy this moment in the water.

You turn around to swim back and you notice a rainbow in the sky. It is only partial but it shines so bright in the background of dark threatening clouds. You absorb this moment and as you swim in the calm lake, you see the reflection of the sky on the surface of the lake. Two rainbows, one in the sky and one in the lake. And the water feels so good around you. You could swim forever in that perfect moment. It's just you and the lake with the green surroundings that edge the blue clouds upon which shines the magnificent rainbow.

The whole day of gruesome and negative thoughts are behind you and this one moment for yourself was all worth it.

I know I'm a romanticist but that was my moment. My summer.

Echoes and Silence, Patience and Grace

I guess that I can say now that my fears have been more or less unnecessary because the magic 7 is once again in action. More or less. It seems that we have enough to laugh over and although we have all changed, it does not bother us to enjoy each other's company. Thanks to that I have some sort of peace of mind. The girls have a lot to tell us about their experience, they'll keep on talking about it for the rest of their lives, I'm sure. I just hope that my simple life (no pun intended!) does not bore them and they are still willing to hear from me every now and then.

I must admit, I envy Liina and Jo. In a good way of course. The experience they had is indescribable and the whole adventure is just fabulous. Instead of waiting in the safe comfort of home for the time when I'm going to do all those big things, they went out and did it. And that's just perfect. I'm glad to have friends who are like that. I guess I keep waiting and waiting and maybe if I'm good enough, my time will come.

I've been in a relatively good mood ever since last Thursday evening when I was helping out at a bike race once again. I guess I've learnt to take things more easily and try not to worry about small things. I even haven't let the weather get me down nor anything else. I just sometimes feel a bit imprisoned here in this town... you know, depressive Estonian small-town. I know I have the chance to escape to Tartu whenever I feel like it but then again, as I have no official business there (as I am unemployed so to say), I feel the obligation to be here at my parents' place. So far I haven't had any major clashes with them, so let's hope for the best. And I have invited people over, my dear Viljandi-girls know that they are always welcomed here, but I understand why they don't have the will to come, the drive and everything!

And just a small note to some people who want to help others. On the right hand corner, there is a small banner and this takes you to the HopeBuilders home site. This is a part of Habitat For Humanity that is an oranisation helping those in need, people who have nowhere to live and builds them a house. As we do not have this programme in Estonia and we cannot actually put our hands to the building process itself, but there is a chance to make a donation. Just click the link, then on the right hand side there is "Find friend's place", click that and choose the letter E and you will see ECHELON on the list (the chief of this group is Lily) and if any of you wishes to join us, there you can make a donation. No pressure and no hard feelings. I just wanted to spread the information...

We were merely freshmen...

We tried to wash our hands of all of this; We never talked of the lacking relationships; And now we're guilt-stricken, sobbing with our heads on the floor; We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip... (http://youtube.com/watch?v=sVNAp1C8LIw)

My first year in the university is over. It's even a bit sad how quickly this has past, because I believe that the university days are the best ones in your life. Never again will there be days, when you can only live for yourself, the frontiers are made only by you. And I think I'm enjoying it quite fully.

What will I remember from this first year?
1) My new and absolutely awesome friends. I've met with so many wonderful and interesting people, who all have their own way of thinking and it's incredible how we all manage to complement each other and have so much fun together. You are really wonderful!
2) Some what clarity concerning my future plans. I mean, the only certain thing is that there's no certain things. But still, this first year opened my eyes a bit and made me set some of my goals, that I might or might not wish to achieve.
3) Some adventures and fun times spent together with friends. All those Wednesday-night parties, cooking eve's with Kätlin, playing pool with guys, vodka-coctail nights in our room...
4) Return to belly dance. Who would have ever guess that I actually plug my courage and step in a studio and start over again. Moreover, I even maneged to dance at the concert! This was quite an achievement for me.

Hopefully the next years will be as memorable as this one.
----------------------------------------------------------

L. and J. are back. The reunion was emotional. I'm still a bit intimidated about the future relationship...